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Let’s get these girls in school!

banner-educationToday is my 44th birthday and I would like to see if together we can send 44 girls to school for the year.

I am hoping you all will help me.

  • For each year, a girl stays in school, her future income can increase by 15-25%.
  • Girls with secondary schooling on average have 2.2 fewer, yet healthier children.
  • If 10% more girls attend school, a country’s GDP increases an average of 3%.

For $52 you can send a girl to school for a whole year. That is only $1 a week.

Come on, let’s change the world for the better this year!

I am starting by paying for one and my church is also paying for one. that only leaves 42 to go.

Click this link to get started.  http://gifts.rescue.org/product/education/year-school

When you are done please leave a comment on this post and we can all keep track as we approach our goal together!

Bikinis, Sepulchres & Bathing Machines

Hey lovelies, I started this post several days ago and since then the brilliant and talented Rachel Held Evans has chimed in with a fabulous post on this very topic titled: Modesty: I Don’t Think it Means What You Think it Means. You should read it too even though I am going to quote it a couple times. 🙂

Bikini Girls from a Mosaic found at Villa Romana del Casale a 4th century Italian villa.

If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations—“Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. (Colossians 2:20-23, ESV)

Putting on regulations that look and sound good because they make us feel like we are safe from ourselves DO NOT WORK. They are of no value when it comes to stopping the indulgence of the flesh. You want to know why lovelies? Because keeping the “rules” doesn’t change your heart. As Jesus said to the Pharisees, that is just a whited sepulchre: Pretty and clean but full of death.

Summer is upon us kiddos and you know what that has meant (at least in my Facebook feed)? A plethora of articles from my well meaning Christian friends that tell me what I can and cannot wear at the beach or even in my own swimming pool if I am going to claim to be a proper Christian lady. Bikinis are taboo my friends and not just for me but also for my 10 year old daughter if I don’t want her to grow up to be some sort of floozie. The logic goes, men are visual creatures, they can’t help themselves. They are unable, you see, to overcome their biology. They are weak and they need me to cover up so they won’t think about having sex with me and in so doing commit adultery in their heart.  So if indeed I am a kind and loving person I will help them out by wearing a one piece. Oh wait but not any one piece, that can’t be too revealing either. Perhaps a cover up over it. But why stop there? Bathing suits are form fitting. Maybe they should be looser. Maybe I should just wear board shorts and a t-shirt. But wait, not if the shorts are too short.  Maybe we should go back to some of the old suits or even bathing machines? Where does it end? Where is the line between too sexy and just sexy enough? Because the same folks who tell me there are rules about me wearing a bikini also tell me there are rules about not “letting myself go” and making sure I am still sexy enough for my husband. Sigh. It is exhausting.

Side note: I have friends who say, just ask any man he can tell you where the line is. Well, I’ve got news for you lovelies, every man has a different line.

Several of the articles I have read quote a Princeton study that says,

“Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up.”

Men were also more likely to associate images of sexualized women with first-person action verbs such as “I push, I grasp, I handle,” said lead researcher Susan Fiske, a psychologist at Princeton University.

[You don’t want to be seen as a mere tool to be used do you? is the question that comes next. But wait we will get to that later.]

Tamara Smith-Dyer (Full-time data analyst at the University of Pennsylvania and Cabrini sociology professor) asserts that the sample in this study is very biased. “Including 21 undergraduate males from Princeton does not provide a representative sample of the population. For example, the age is limited. Race and socioeconomic status will be skewed in this sample as well.”

“The sample size, 21, is very small. While the scientific community typically holds a minimum acceptable sample size to be 30, which is more than the current study’s sample size, statisticians including myself know that even 30 is very limited and samples should be much larger than this when possible in order to prevent ‘false positive’ study results,” Dyer said.

Not only that, the Christian “anti bikini” articles that I read liked pointing out that, “the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person’s thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women” however this statement is out of context and is also misleading. When performing the study “the participants, 21 heterosexual male undergraduates at Princeton, took questionnaires to determine whether they harbor “benevolent” sexism, which includes the belief that a woman’s place is in the home, or hostile sexism, a more adversarial viewpoint which includes the belief that women attempt to dominate men.”  The study goes on to state that for “the men who scored highest on hostile sexism, the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person’s thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women.” One analyst put it this way, “those who viewed women as controlling and invaders of male space—didn’t show brain activity that indicates they saw the women in bikinis as humans with thoughts and intentions.” Do you see the difference that one little fact that these were the men who held the most sexist attitudes prior to the study makes? So now these are not all 21 young men who took part but only those of the 21 who scored highest for hostile sexism.

SO… of the 21 college men those who had the most aggressive sexist attitudes did not see women in bikinis as having thoughts and intentions. Hmmm. It seems to me they thought that before seeing them in bikinis.

It would seem to me that the way we teach our boys to think about women has a bigger effect on whether men see them as objects than what they have on. Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive, I know men will look at women in bikinis and find them sexually attractive. They will also look at women in shorts, skirts, pants, blouses, dresses and for some even shapeless denim jumpers and find them sexually attractive. As RHE stated in the post linked above,

The truth is, a man can choose to objectify a woman whether she’s wearing a bikini or a burqa. We don’t stop lust by covering up the female form; we stop lust by teaching men to treat women as human beings worthy of respect.

Contrary to what some think I personally do not believe the mere biological, chemical and psychological processes involved in sexual attraction are in and of themselves sinful.

I am the mother of one middle school aged son and one middle school aged daughter. My daughter wears a bikini. The other day we had a conversation about this topic. I assured my daughter that if someone looks at her and is sexually attracted to her she is not sinning. I assured my son of the same. I also assured them that if they were sexually attracted to someone they were not sinning. Sin enters the picture between our ears and in our hearts when we choose to objectify that person and look at them as something to be possessed. I will quote Rachel again here,

It is important here to make a distinction between attraction and lust. Attraction is a natural biological response to beauty; lust obsesses on that attraction until it grows into a sense of ownership, a drive to conquer and claim. When Jesus warns that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart,” he uses the same word found in the Ten Commandments to refer to a person who “covets” his neighbor’s property. Lust takes attraction and turns it into the coveting of a woman’s body as though it were property. And men are responsible for their own thoughts and actions when this happens; they don’t get to blame it on what a woman is wearing.

I promised you I would get back to the tool thing so here we go…this part of the study was actually done on both male and female undergraduates and suggested that men are more likely than women to link women wearing bikinis with first person action verbs such as “push,” “handle” and “grab.” However when the men looked at fully clothed women they associated them with the third person forms such as she “pushes,” “handles” and “grabs.” The researches felt this implied that the men viewed women who were fully clothed as in control of their own actions. I just think well, duh. It is kind of obvious that heterosexual men would be more likely than women to see a woman in a bikini and think push, handle grab than they are to think those words about a woman in say a business suit. I don’t think this implies a dang thing about their motives or whether they will choose to sin or not.  Also, as far as I can tell in this portion of the study no questionnaire was given as to what sexist attitudes any of these men (or women for that matter) may or may not have had and so we do not get to know if there would be the same correlation as before with people’s preconceived attitudes about male and female roles/relationships and what they thought when presented with images of women in bikinis. I suspect there would be. Once again, just because one has a thought come to mind or a biological process kick in, does not mean that person, either the man who’s tool sector (see what I did there?) is kicking in or the woman in the bikini at the pool, is sinning. It just means they are attracted, they see something they want to touch. What seems to matter most (at least to me) is the attitudes they already brought to the table about the roles, relationships and motivations of men and women.

All that said, I think it is up to each woman whether she wears a bikini. Some women are comfortable in one and some are not. Here’s a fun little exercise. Let’s have a look at Romans 14 and how it might look in re to our current conversation…

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome her, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes she may wear anything, while the other wears only what is “modest”. Let not the one who wears a bikini despise the one who does not, and let not the one who does not wear a bikini pass judgment on the one who does, for God has welcomed her. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before her own master that she stands or falls. And she will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make her stand.

One person esteems one bathing suit as better than another, while another esteems all bathing suits alike. Each one should be fully convinced in her own mind. The one who does wears the bikini, wears it in honor of the Lord. The one who wears, wears in honor of the Lord, since she gives thanks to God, while the one who does not wear, does not wear in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to herself, and none of us dies to herself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

Why do you pass judgment on your sister? Or you, why do you despise your sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written,

“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.”

So then each of us will give an account of herself to God.

So to all my Jesus loving women friends out there (yes you!) rock that suit, bikini or not for you are beautiful and it doesn’t matter if the whole world knows it. Being attractive is not a sin. Judging your sister is. Being attractive does not cause sin any more than being hungry causes gluttony.  And to all my Jesus following male friends out there. Sexual attraction is not sin. Treating a woman as less than you is. Admiring beauty is not sin. Treating a woman as something to be possessed is.

BONUS CONTENT…

Hey, I just thought of this on my laundry folding break…

We don’t say:
The chef caused me to be a glutton, they are sinning by making the plates look so beautiful and the food taste so good.
They should have to make it less delicious and less appetizing so I won’t over eat.
The car manufacturer caused me to envy, they are sinning by making the cars too fast and stunning to look at. They should design uglier cars so I won’t envy.
The clothing store caused me to shoplift, they are sinning by setting the price higher than I can pay. They should lower their prices so I don’t steal.
He was working with his shirt off, he is sinning by being out where women can see him. He should put a shirt on so women don’t lust after him.

We do say:
Her dress is too short (or she is wearing a bikini), she is sinning by being too sexy. She should wear a longer skirt so men don’t sin.They did something I find annoying, they are sinning by causing me to get angry. They should stop doing that so I don’t lose my temper.

I wonder why this is? I guess that is fodder for another post.

 

 

 

So yeah, today happened and it was good.

179745_10151545572514582_1652368408_nDOMA is dead and marriage is coming back to California. And while we could move on to what comes next, which states still do not have marriage equality (on a state level) and the numerous haters out there, instead I would like to give voice and blog space to those I know who have shared their feelings today and several heartwarming or poignant or just factual things I have seen around the interwebs. This is my own personal celebration.

Let’s start with the statement of the Department of Defense:

 The Department of Defense welcomes the Supreme Court’s decision today on the Defense of Marriage Act.  The department will immediately begin the process of implementing the Supreme Court’s decision in consultation with the Department of Justice and other executive branch agencies.  The Department of Defense intends to make the same benefits available to all military spouses — regardless of sexual orientation — as soon as possible.  That is now the law and it is the right thing to do.

Every person who serves our nation in uniform stepped forward with courage and commitment.  All that matters is their patriotism, their willingness to serve their country, and their qualifications to do so.  Today’s ruling helps ensure that all men and women who serve this country can be treated fairly and equally, with the full dignity and respect they so richly deserve.

My friend Eric Herring was on the steps of the US Supreme Court today where he shot this video:

Eric’s video from the SCOTUS steps

From Sheryl LeSage (a friend of a friend) via Facebook:

I had managed to convince myself that it really didn’t matter that much, because my relationship with Jocy Denton is real no matter what a bunch of old people in black dresses say about it. And I told myself I would just check in to see what they said, but again, it wouldn’t change my life. And I am not the sort of person to get over-emotional about things.

But I’m not kidding here: I actually shouted out and burst into tears when they handed that decision down. I STILL have tears in my eyes. DOMA has been a thorn under the saddle for two decades, declaring me a less-than-equal citizen in this country. To have that lie officially removed from the books is like having the sun come from behind the clouds, at last.

So yes, it’s personal. And it’s a good thing.

From my friend Elliot Fladen via Rhett Millsaps II (http://wakingupnow.com/blog/the-happy-stories-begin):

“This is what excites me most about this partial equality victory: “At 10:30 a.m. EDT this morning in a New York Immigration Court, attorneys from [Masliah Soloway] requested and were granted a continuance in removal (deportation) proceedings for a Colombian gay man married to an American citizen for whom [they] had filed a marriage-based green card petition last year. A copy of the 77-page Supreme Court decision in United States v. Windsor was delivered to the court by [their] summer intern, Gabe, who ran five blocks and made it in time for the decision to be submitted to the Immigration Judge and to serve a copy on the Immigration & Customs Enforcement Assistant Chief Counsel. DOMA is DEAD and it had its first impact on a binational couple within 30 minutes of the Supreme Court ruling.”

Post by my amazing husband Kent Krabill:

Powerful language from the Court today: DOMA’s principal effect is to identify a subset of state – sanctioned marriages and make them unequal. The principal purpose is to impose inequality, not for other reasons like governmental efficiency. Responsibilities, as well as rights, enhance the dignity and integrity of the person. And DOMA contrives to deprive some couples married under the laws of their State, but not other couples, of both rights and responsibilities. By creating two contradictory marriage regimes within the same State, DOMA forces same-sex couples to live as married for the purpose of state law but unmarried for the purpose of federal law, thus diminishing the stability and predictability of basic personal relations the State has found it proper to acknowledge and protect. By this dynamic DOMA under¬mines both the public and private significance of state ¬sanctioned same-sex marriages; for it tells those couples, and all the world, that their otherwise valid marriages are unworthy of federal recognition. This places same-sex couples in an unstable position of being in a second-tier marriage. The differentiation demeans the couple, whose moral and sexual choices the Constitution protects, see Lawrence, 539 U. S. 558, and whose relationship the State has sought to dignify. And it humiliates tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples. The law in question makes it even more difficult for the children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family and its concord with other families in their community and in their daily lives.

Rights and stuff:  After DOMA: What it Means to You

Edith Windsor’s reaction and the 40+ year love story that inspired it:

971315_623734884304160_1930834219_n(1)

From my friend Liz Dyer via Facebook:

Thanks to the friends and family who have continued to show their loving support of my efforts to make the world a better place for lgbt people (you know who you are).

My passion about this started out because of my wonderful son who is gay but over the last several years I have gained so many friends that have been affected by the injustice and oppression of lgbt people and so these days in addition to this being about my son I am also driven by the faces and stories and hearts of so many more that hope and work for equality.

Today is an important day because today many people have been able to take back some of the human dignity that has been stolen from them and therefore their hope and courage and strength is being renewed so we can all go on to continue fighting for equality (there’s still work to be done).

As my son likes to say (it’s a movie quote of course LOL) “One day can make your life; one day can ruin your life. All life is, is four or five big days that change everything” and today is one of those days that can change everything.

President Obama:

“I applaud the Supreme Court’s decision to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act. This was discrimination enshrined in law. It treated loving, committed gay and lesbian couples as a separate and lesser class of people. The Supreme Court has righted that wrong, and our country is better off for it. We are a people who declared that we are all created equal – and the love we commit to one another must be equal as well….The laws of our land are catching up to the fundamental truth that millions of Americans hold in our hearts: when all Americans are treated as equal, no matter who they are or whom they love, we are all more free.”

My friend Emily Allen:

Never have I been so personally affected by decisions of the Supreme Court. I’m glad that my boys won’t remember these first four months of their lives when their government — the government I serve every day — didn’t think their moms had a relationship deserving of respect and of dignity. We still have a long way to go, but today…today was a good day. I love you Laura, Ben, and Will.

My friend Melissa Sligh:

5 years ago I got engaged, bought my dress and started planning my first wedding (I eloped before), then Prop 8 came along too fast, before we could get married it became illegal again in a blink of an eye. I saved my dress and outgrew it in a fat n happy life. MAYBE the true reason I got sick and lost all this weight was so I could fit my dress again! Sooo we missed the chance last time, if marriage becomes legal in California again I EXPECT her to propose and marry me. 5 years is a long friggin engagement!

My friend Mytaege Anderson:

There is so much anger & judgement going around today with the recent political news. Seriously it just makes me sad. Love is Love!!! People are people & it’s not my place to judge anyone. My sins are no better than yours they are just different. But make no mistake sin is sin. The day I can honestly say I’ve gone even this very one day & not sinned ever just once, then maybe I will fell worthy enough to judge another……. But that day will never happen. Why? Because I’m human. God doesn’t love me because I’m straight because I’m Italian because my eyes are brown, I live in America or even because I am pretty damn awesome. He loves me because I am his child!!! There is NOTHING I can do that will ever change that or ever change his love for me or anyone else on the face of this earth. People say God’s heart is breaking because of politics. Wrong! It’s breaking because of the hate that surrounds politics. People are people & Love is Love. Stop judging & spreading hate! If you want people to know God share his hope, his peace, the amazing gift he gave each of us, his LOVE!

My friends Tracey Hughes & Liz Johnson when describing their wedding ceremony. They are also a bi-racial couple. After today’s decisions they are planning to renew their vows in California soon!

Liz Johnson Mary – we jumped the broom. Tracey will no doubt write more eloquently than I will, but slaves were not able to legally marry, so their ceremony included jumping a broom – from the past into the future, so, since we also could not legally marry, we decided to jump the broom too.

And This. Just this.

I love gay people and I love Christians. I choose all.

David & Jason can finally be together FOR GOOD.

Missing Husband Video

Today was a victory for all of us because here in America we have a Pledge, a Declaration and a Constitution. It says in our pledge, “Liberty and justice for all.” It says in our Declaration of Independence, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” And as it says in our Constitution, “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” Today the Supreme Court’s decision aligned us more with who our documents say we are. Today I am proud.

Found Object Poetry

Credit to the brilliant found object artist Michelle Stitzlein

I collect pieces of thoughts
On cocktail napkins
Like old hubcaps
Snippets of words
clipped out in my virtual brain
Make note of the humanity of pain
Scraps of my heart
Found on the sidewalk
And dirty thoughts
Dropped by passers by
Tiny words
That come in the twilight
Between sleep and wake
Loud words that you can’t even say
Picked up along the way
Cobbled together
In dreams and poetry

 

Welcome Home

Mad props to http://admschnder.com/ for the use of his original art. Thanks!

So I haven’t written much lately. You may have noticed. You may not have noticed. But oh well, here I am again.

Last week I went to see a production my friend was in of In The Heights. I have to tell you I was completely unprepared for my experience. My one regret is that I didn’t see it earlier in the run so I could urge more friends to go see it. As it would happen lovelies, we went to the very last performance. It was at the Rose Marine Theater in Fort Worth and it was stunning.

Before the performance the Artistic director came out and welcomed us home. He invited us to a place where we were all welcomed. We were all celebrated. We all belonged. And then, he said this, “You have friends who become family, and though you may not always be friends you will always be family.” I have rolled this around and around. And I totally get it. I was in theater and chamber singers in high school and I experienced this in that context. When you perform with people, when you pour your heart and soul into a shared emotional experiences you give and take little pieces of each other and they change you. You become family. And though I am not really day to day friends with many of these folks anymore, they are still my family. They are part of me.

Isn’t that how it is with life? We give and we take pieces of others and exchange them for pieces of ourselves and like chemistry, we become something different. When we give ourselves fully to the art of life and the sharing of that art, that life… we change each other for the best. When we rip and tear off pieces of the other and give back pieces of hate, or bitterness or judgement we change each other as well but in a very different way.

We must learn, as these performers did, to hold our heart outstretched in our palms and offer it unselfishly, gloriously to the other. I beg you, I need the beauty you are. When I am able to take hold of it, it makes me freer to hold my soul out to another. It changes the very cells of my body.

As we were riding home, Kent and I were trying to describe the feelings we were having. And we talked about Litmuss Lozenges. If you have not read Because of Winn-Dixie, go do it. What are you waiting for? Anyway, Litmuss Lozenges…

” . . . I lay there and I thought about how life was like a Littmus Lozenge, how the sweet and the sad were all mixed up together and how hard it was to separate them out.” –Because of Winn Dixie by Katie DiCamillio

And Kent said, he had been thinking about how all of life, all of our experiences, sweet and sad, make us who we are. The scraps and bits we collect of each other. The scars we absorb and the scars we inflict. And it is melancholy. Sweet and beautiful and sad and stunning. And we agreed that though the consequences of our sin, as far as separating us from God, will be done away with in the new heavens and new earth, we will always bear about, like Jesus himself, our scars.
We just finished Six Feet Under. And although we wouldn’t recommend the series for everyone, it provided a vivid picture of life and death. Often when people pass away they are identified by their scars. How poetic. Aren’t we all? We are identified by the marks we leave on each other. How sweet and sad and beautiful and stunning.
So if this is your first time here or your millionth time here, welcome home. You belong here. I celebrate you. I hold out my heart in the palms of my hands and invite you to change me. Welcome home.

That’s what I want. (and what I don’t)

ImageI read on Facebook today and I have been told more than once since beginning this blog my lovelies to, ‘Say what you want, not what you don’t want.’ (This is apparently a quote from Maxwell Maltz btw).

Well, all I can say is it would be nice if that always worked. But alas. It does NOT always work. I am all for speaking out on behalf of what I want to see happen. I speak up on behalf of love. I speak positively about the values I embrace, I vote for people I want to see put in office. I write blog upon blog about not giving up, about becoming all we were made to be, about strong beautiful people doing wonderful things. But sometimes…

It just flat out isn’t enough to talk about what we want to see. Some times we MUST say “what we don’t want”.

Sometimes people need to hear, No. That is not okay.

It isn’t okay to do that. Or to say that. Or to be that.

Sometimes it is simply required that we speak up and say no more.

No more oppression, injustice and misinformation.

No more bullying. No more discrimination. No more hate disguised as love.

Listen lovelies. I do want to be known for what I am for and who I am for. I also want be known for what I stand against. I think Jesus was like that and I am trying to live more like him. He is known for being FOR love, forgiveness, mercy, grace and sacrifice. He was also known for being AGAINST hypocrisy, legalism, making people carry burdens you won’t bear yourself and keeping people out who he clearly wants in.

So yeah, I am all for saying what I do want. I am also prepared to say what I don’t want and most of the time I think we have to do both. 

For the love of God (and our neighbor) can we please stop using these 3 phrases?

Lovegodandneighbor

There are 3 phrases Christians love to use regarding homosexuality that I wish would just go away. They belie our claim to love God and our neighbor (If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. –1 John 4:20-21) You may think I am not being fair by using that verse and you may not even hate your LGBT brothers and sisters but if you know a LGBT person ask him or her whether these phrases communicate love or hate to them.

“I disagree with homosexuality.”

“You Can’t Be Christian and Gay.”

and

“Love the sinner. Hate the sin.”

I disagree with homosexuality

I have seen this phrase or its sibling “I don’t agree with homosexuality” all over the place. Just google it and you’ll see what I mean. This statement makes no sense on several levels. First of all grammatically (I can’t be the only one who sees this). How can one disagree with something that isn’t an idea or a hypothesis or even a theory but actually a factual thing. Homosexuality is a real thing. Saying you disagree with it is like saying you disagree with the sun or the color green. I personally disagree with gravity so I think I will go fly now. I think this is a big disconnect for me. When you try to persuade me that you are indeed correct by starting with “I disagree with homosexuality…” you lose me right away. Saying you disagree with homosexuality sounds like you are either denying it exists at all or that you believe people wake up one day and choose to be attracted to members of the same sex (jut like they woke up one day and chose to be attracted to people of the opposite sex). Can we all please agree that grammatically this is just not the right way to say what you really mean?

The second way in which this phrase is all kinds of jacked up, is Scientifically. That same sex attraction (i.e. homosexuality) exists is a scientific fact. To say you “disagree with homosexuality” is simply a denial of the facts.

I think Mr. Broussard and those who I have seen use this statement fall into two camps. Those who actually believe that homosexuality is a choice and would not exist at all if everyone actually chose to obey God and be heterosexual. They believe the simple fact that a person is attracted to members of the same sex is a sin, period whether they ever act upon those attractions or not and that in a sinless world those attractions would not exist. To take that to its logical extreme no one will be gay in heaven. (Try if you will, to separate yourself from your sexuality if you are straight, can you do it? Isn’t that inherently a part of who you are?) Those in the second camp are the ones who don’t really mean they disagree with homosexuality so much as they disagree with people acting on their attractions, living what they perceive as “the gay lifestyle” (Excellent article by Justin Lee on this.), or legalizing same sex marriage. These folks believe homosexual practice is a sin, like any other sin that can be repented of and forgiven.

Love the sinner. Hate the sin.

Often times these are the folks in the “love the sinner, hate the sin” camp. On the blog, Disoriented. Reoriented., I found this quote regarding LTSHTS:

Further, it is not actually a biblical phrase. To paraphrase Andrew Marin in his video accompaniment to Love Is an Orientation, “There are plenty of places in the Bible where Jesus tells us to love sinners. And there are plenty of places where we are told to hate sin. But nowhere are those concepts put together.” In fact, Jesus’ message to us does not appear to be “love the sinner, hate the sin,” but to “love the sinner and hate our own sin.” Marin quotes Billy Graham: “It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge and my job to love.”)

This camp includes the folks who say gay people do exist but they can’t be Christian unless and until they repent. Chris Broussard falls into this category. This week in his on air rant on ESPN Mr. Broussard said the following:

“If you’re openly living that type of [homosexual] lifestyle, then the Bible says you should know them by their fruits. It says that, you know, that’s a sin,” Broussard said on ESPN show Outside The Lines. “If you’re openly living in unrepentant sin, whatever it may be, not just homosexuality….I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ. So I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I don’t think the Bible would characterize them as a Christian.”

You Can’t Be Christian and Gay

This phrase is patently false and is even contradicted by the people who use it when they then turn around and say well, you can, as long as you repent, and get back on the wagon, like an alcoholic or a liar or a glutton or any other sinner.

Yesterday the Huffington Post reported on an interview Broussard gave on the radio where he did exactly that. He explained his first statement and back pedaled a bit by saying this:

The life of a Christian, Broussard explained, means having to constantly fight temptation. “And if you stumble and fall, then you get back up, you repent and ask God for forgiveness, and you move on,” he said. “I think that applies to homosexuals as well.”

Men who are attracted to other men can still be considered Christian if — and only if — they constantly try to counteract the same-sex attraction, Broussard said. And if they “repent, and they ask for forgiveness, and they keep trying to serve God, and they fall time and time again consistently, I believe that person is a Christian.”

So, Broussard and those who agree with him would have us believe that Jason Collins and any other LGBT persons cannot, by virtue of their gayness (unless they denounce it, deny it and repent), be followers of Jesus. This is because they say these folks are in open rebellion against God. Really? They are? Are you sure?

Folks such as these (and many of my friends) say that the Bible is crystal clear on this topic. (I have written extensively on this topic and the so called “clear” verses. You can read those posts here.) That they just read what the words in their Bible say, that this is what the church has believed and taught for thousands of years and therefore they are right. Here is my question, What about slavery? Do you think the church was wrong about slavery for thousands of years? The Bible says MUCH more in support of slavery than it does in opposition to homosexuality. (Great article called Is Abolition Biblical? by RHE on this topic.) Now maybe you are one of those folks who thinks slavery is ok. (Yes, I am serious. These people exist. Scary, I know.  Look… Why Is a Famous Evangelical Defending Slavery?) In which case I am not even sure what to do with you.

For my money these are people who have forgotten the verses that say,

“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.”
–Matthew 23:13

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,
–1Peter 3:18

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
–John 3:17

“Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others.Why, then, do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye? How dare you say to your brother, “Please, let me take that speck out of your eye,’ when you have a log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
–Matt 7:1-5

And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.
–John 16:8-11

No matter what you believe about homosexuality and whether or not it is a sin, what is clear is that God tells us it is not our job to convict or to judge but it is our job to LOVE. In fact, Jesus says that is our only job. And it NEVER says love includes excluding people from worshiping God.

side note: Some “Christians” have even extended their rejection this week to people who simply tweeted their support of Mr. Collins. Just yesterday, Former Green Bay Packers safety LeRoy Butler was disinvited from speaking at a church in Wisconsin because he had tweeted this, “Congrats to Jason Collins.” Apparently that is all it takes to piss God off in their minds. Butler was disinvited and told that if he removed the tweet, apologized and asked God for forgiveness, he could still come and speak. He refused. Butler, being a class act, refused to reveal the name of the offending church and was issued an apology which blamed some parents in the congregation for complaining about the tweet and thanked him for not revealing their name in the media. He was not however, reinvented to  speak. *SIGH*

For me, I will stick with Billy Graham on this one. “It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge and my job to love.”  I personally don’t believe same sex attraction is a sin. I don’t believe homosexual relations are a sin. I do believe sex outside of marriage is a sin. That is why I support marriage equality. I think it is good for the individual, good for the family, good for the church and good for society as a whole. Marriage stabilizes families, it encourages commitment, it celebrates sacrificing for each other, giving to each other, loving each other. That is a beautiful thing.

Here is a small list of some prominent gay Christians who you should get to know:

Justin Lee –  the founder of the Gay Christian Network (GCN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides resources and support to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Christians.

Mel White – an American clergyman and author. White was a behind-the-scenes member of the Evangelical Protestant movement through the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, writing film and television specials and ghostwriting auto-biographies for televangelists such as Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Billy Graham. After years of writing for the Christian right, he came out as gay in 1994.

Micah’s Rule – a vocal trio originating from Wilmington, NC. Made up of Alto: Mary Anne Hewett, Baritone: Greg McCaw, and Contralto: Chasity Scott, and singing the very best in inspirational, gospel, southern gospel, black gospel, country, and rock stylings with powerful voices and intricate harmonies. Great article on them here.

Jennifer Knapp – an American-Australian, folk rock, and formerly contemporary Christian musician. She is best known for her first single “Undo Me” from her debut album Kansas (1998), and the song “A Little More” from her Grammy Award-nominated album Lay It Down (2000). The Way I Am (2001), was also nominated for a Grammy.

Ray Boltz – a singer-songwriter who first came to wide notice in contemporary Christian music. Many of his songs tell stories of faith and inspiration. Boltz was raised by his parents William and Ruth Boltz, and was married to his wife Carol Boltz for over 30 years. They have four children. He came out in 2008.

Gene Robinson – an American retired bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire in the Episcopal Church in the United States of America. Robinson was elected bishop coadjutor in 2003 and succeeded as diocesan bishop in March 2004. Before becoming bishop, he served as Canon to the Ordinary to the VIII Bishop of New Hampshire. Robinson is widely known for being the first priest in an openly gay relationship to be consecrated a bishop in a major Christian denomination believing in the historic episcopate.

So this actually exists and the world is worse for it.

WARNING: THIS POST NOT FOR KIDS

So people often ask me why I am a feminist and then they point out all the ways that women and men are equal (look we can vote, own property and have our own bank accounts!) and that it isn’t like we live in an episode of Mad Men anymore.

Why?

Why?

I’ll tell you why, because THIS…
Blachman

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Blachman is a real, actual, Danish prime time reality television show where the man on the right, X Factor’s Thomas Blachman and another male guest critique a live nude woman’s body. YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT AND YES SHE CAN HEAR EVERY WORD. (Why a woman would subject herself to this kind of humiliation is beyond me).

Here is what Mr. Thomas Blachman has to say for himself…

[T]he entire idea of the show is to let men talk about the bodies of naked women while the woman is standing right in front of them. The female body thirsts for words. The words of a man.”

and

“Ungratefulness is the only thing that can really wear down the few geniuses who reside in this country. Remember, I am giving you something that you have never seen before.Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

In an article on The Daily Mail he put it this way,

Blachman, who is a Danish X-Factor judge, today defended his idea insisting he was actually doing women a favour as the ‘female body thirsts for the words of a man’.

He also said his show – which has the eponymous title Blachman – was the work of a genius and had a higher objective of ‘discussing the aesthetics of a female body without allowing the conversation to become pornographic or politically correct’.

(Not sure how the phrases ‘How’s that p****’ working out for you?’, ‘Very animated nipples.’ and asking a woman to turn around because he is an ‘a** man’ fit into those parameters.)

The show’s FEMALE producer has this to add,

“We have a program that reveals what men think about the female body. Quite honestly, what is wrong with that?”

It breaks my heart that this passes as entertainment; that women are willing to put themselves in this postion; that there are people who are willing to put this on the air to make money; and that there are people who tune in to watch. It is just a sad day all around and this makes me almost too tired to fight. ALMOST.

Additional Reading:
Sometimes I Grow Weary of the Fight

Response

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Have you seen this meme? It has just hit facebook and is all up in my feed. Here is my response…

Yes, I am a follower of Jesus.
I believe the truth contained in the Bible and in THE TRUTH who is Jesus Christ.
I support my homosexual friends and their right to marry the person they love.
Yes, I love all people.
Yes, I am still friends with people who disagree with me.
No, I am not judging you.
Yes, I am trying to persuade you to love like Jesus.
Yes, I will stand up for your right to free exercise of your beliefs as long as they don’t infringe on someone else’s right to practice theirs.

I will never call you a name but I will point out where your practice lacks grace, mercy and compassion. I will not remain silent as you say that I do not respect the scriptures or that I do not believe “the truth”. I will not remain silent when people God loves are being told they are not welcome in his family. I fully support your right to speak what you believe, and I will continue to speak what I believe.

* Due to demand I turned this into a meme of my own which you will find below. Please feel free to share it.

mymeme

 

You Are Strong: Yet Another Proposal

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My husband and I have a running thing (not really a joke per se but it is one of those things that gets said over and over) it goes something like this… we will be listening to some couple tell their engagement story complete with horses or some other grand detail or we’ll watch the viral video of the guy who does the flashmob proposal where he has his soon to be fiancee sit in the open back of a car and all their known friends and relatives sing and dance and act out the Bruno Mars song, I think I Want to Marry You. In the couple scenario, after the telling of their story we usually get asked to tell our engagement story. (Turn about is fair play after all). “Well”, we say, “we don’t really have one”.  Then we proceed to tell the whirlwind story of how we met in late March of 1986 and were engaged by the end of July. Honestly I am not even sure what the actual date of our engagement is except that we told my mom we were getting married on July 4th, 1986 before we had even bought the ring. Kent knew pretty much right away he wanted to marry me and began bringing up the possibility in conversation just a few weeks after we met. I took a little convincing, as I was 16 and had previously planned it all out and intended to get married in my mid twenties after finishing college.

Aside: Life is funny that way. you think you have a plan and then…as the mom said on the Six Feet Under episode we watched last night, it rarely happens the way you think it will. My plan, up until this point, certainly did not include meeting the one great love of my life at a conference at the Anaheim Marriott.

So we go on and tell them our story, how he moved down to where I lived, how one day I got so freaked out by it all I lied and said I didn’t love him, how he knew and refused to believe it. We tell them how we talked about it many many times and how at some point I just realized that, YES. I did want to marry him. Usually it is sometime around here  (or in the video scenario when it ends and we are both teary eyed) that Kent says, one of these days when you least expect it, I am going to propose to you.

Here’s the thing he has been proposing to me all along. Every time we spoke about it he was proposing that we were better together than we were apart. There was no horse, or song and dance number, but there was proposing. 

I have come to a realization recently and I would like to share it with you. A proposal of marriage is NOT a one time event.  The dictionary defines a proposal as an offer of marriage and one definition I found of marriage was “any intimate association or union”. Back in the day Kent did propose to me and I have come to see that from that point on we have been proposing to each other ever since. 

Many years ago before we had children, Kent and I had a big shift in the way were looking at and experiencing life. On one particular night I remember him saying, maybe I should just let you find someone else, you could do so much better than me. I said no and told him I didn’t want someone else I wanted him: I proposed we were an us. We were. We said yes. Proposals don’t always come on white horses or on beaches at sunset. Sometimes proposals come in the middle of tornados, sometimes they come on really hard days. The important thing is to say yes when they come, and to propose again tomorrow.

You Are Strong. That is the message Kent wrote to me on my side of the bathroom mirror the day before yesterday. Those three words. Changed my life. In that moment he offered me afresh to join him in an intimate union. Sometimes proposals are simple and take 5 seconds to scribble on a mirror.

Aside #2: A couple months ago I grabbed a dry erase marker normally used for my family fridge calendar and wrote something I appreciated about Kent on his side of the mirror. He left it there. I liked doing it so I kept changing it each day. A couple days into my little proposals I had one on my side of the mirror. It is one of the most beautiful things we have ever done. And now I realize, each one a proposal and offer of intimate union.

On our 25th anniversary we celebrated by renewing our vows, I wrote mine out and Kent spoke from his heart. These vows were also a proposal; an offer of intimate union. Some times proposals are made on the glorious days when babies are born or marathon finish lines are crossed. Sometimes they are grand, romantic and/or breathtaking.

It happens every day now that I have eyes to see it. I propose to him when I ask about his hard day. He proposes to me when he helps me clean up after dinner. I offer intimate union when I make a family meal for us all to share. He offers it to me when he asks what show I prefer to watch on the DVR. We propose to each other when we forgive the other’s faults and shortcomings and when we celebrate each other’s accomplishments and victories.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a sucker for a good proposal story. And, if I’m beng honest, I am looking forward to being surprised one day when Kent throws down with his “big proposal”. But you know what? This is our new proposal story and it will keep getting longer, more breathtaking and more complex with each offer made to one other. Every addition to this story is beautiful. Every one spectacular when you think about it.