Politics

The Land of Hope, Dreams and Misfit Toys.


Lately my husband and I have been feeling overwhelmed and frankly a little burnt out. We believe very much in what we are doing at Novitas and know that there are people out there like us (even down here, or maybe especially down here in the heart of the Bible belt). People who desperately want church to be different. The question is, how do we find each other? That is a question we just don’t know the answer to. The good news, I suppose, is that several of us have managed to find one another on “The Island of Misfit Toys” as we affectionately call ourselves.

Several weeks ago, Kathy Escobar wrote a post entitled, Plant New Trees. I wrote a response piece that you can find here. I like to think that Novitas is the kind of “tree” she was talking about when she said,

plant new trees. 

trees that have the roots of equality from the very beginning.

trees that gain nourishment from a free-er gospel and soil that is enriched with freedom and hope instead of fear and absolute certainty.

trees that have men and women and rich and poor and educated and uneducated and black and white and gay and straight all tangled up together from the beginning.

trees that are tended to gently and naturally instead of pumped with unnatural growth agents & pesticides that try to advance the progression of development to “catch up faster” to other churches that will always have the advantage of time and power on their side.

trees that get their strength from the beatitudes not the latest and greatest how-to-grow books and conferences.

trees that are well-watered by people who are tired of talk and are ready for action.

trees that over time will flourish and bring shade and fruit and all kinds of other goodness for generations to come in the communities & cultures where they are planted.

a diverse ecosystem of trees that more accurately reflect the fullness of God’s image.


What we look like:

  • There is no paid pastoral staff. Every one has a regular job. We plan to keep it that way. We pay our rent and then give the rest away. No one gets paid except Linda, our fantastic nursery worker and the people who babysit at our life groups.
  • We don’t own a building and we don’t plan to.
  • We don’t do programs and we don’t plan to.
  • We don’t feel like we need to control where people give their money. We ask that people give as they are moved to help us keep going and to help the people of our community, but we set them free to give to their neighbors and their friends who have needs as well as ministries and non profits that move them.
  • We don’t feel like we need to control people’s time. We gather Sunday mornings and in life groups once a week. We release people to give their time to organizations that need volunteers and to live their lives which is a sacred endeavor.
  • We do life together. Our youth comes to the main gathering and adult life group. We do not have gender specific groups or ministries.
  • To borrow from John Wimber, everyone gets to play. We believe that a person’s gifts make room for them. So we let people use the gifts God gave them and make every effort to help them develop those gifts.
  • We have a very flat leadership model. Our directional team consists currently of 4 men and 4 women and we make decisions together.
  • We believe in equality. Our speaking team is currently 2 women and 1 man (our amazing friend Eric just moved to FL or there would be 2 men). We believe that there is no function in the church reserved for males only. (check out CBE and the Willow Creek statement on men and women in ministry).
  • We welcome and value everyone; men and women, rich and poor, democrat and republican, gay and straight. (Our friends at RISE church have graciously allowed us to use this video from their AND campaign).
  • We have no problem with people asking hard questions and wrestling with their faith. We embrace discussion and debate.
  • We believe that God and science are like peanut butter and jelly; They belong together.
  • We affirm that all beauty is God’s beauty and all truth is God’s truth.
  • We reject the notion of sacred and secular and embrace the idea that all of life is a sacred pursuit. The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
  • We affirm that humanity is beautiful and part of God’s design. We all bear his image and will be fully human for eternity in a new heavens and a new earth where everything will finally be right.

We like to say that we are a movement of people dedicated to loving God and caring for people, all people.
Bottom line, Kent and I love our Novitas family. We keep going because of them. We give all we are because of them. They are worth it. You are worth it.

Truth? I wish we had more people. Because we all need to know…

  • God came for us. He did not stay away, he came near. Not to condemn us, but to save us.
  • We are loved with no unless.
  • Our sins are forgiven. All of them.
  • There are people who want to know you, to be your family. There is a place where you don’t have to pretend anymore.

I love the new Bruce Springsteen album Wrecking Ball, especially the song Land of Hope and Dreams. It says in part,

Well this train
Carries saints and sinners
This train
Carries losers and winners
This train
Carries whores and gamblers
This train
Carries lost souls
This train
Dreams will not be thwarted
This train
Faith will be rewarded
This train
Hear the steel wheels singing
This train
Bells of freedom ringing

If we are who God made us, Novitas will look like that; The Land of Hope, Dreams and Misfit Toys.

God and Homosexuality: Part 5 – Romans 1

Hey everyone! Sorry I didn’t get this out yesterday but it is a big passage and I wanted to make sure I spent enough time on it. Blessings my lovlies. Enjoy.

Today we will be discussing the passage from Romans 1. This passage has traditionally been the one that people point to as being the strongest argument against homosexuality. It is also the one that people point out, has direct application to today because it is located in Romans and written to the first century believers in Rome. While I agree that this text is the passage which most directly addresses homosexual behaviors I believe that Paul is very specific here as to who and what he is talking about. Let’s look at the scripture.

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.  (Romans 1:21-32 ESV)

In their book, The Children are Free, Jeff Miner and John Connoley write the following:

…Paul, in his classically trained style, thoroughly explains the factual assumptions and rationale behind his condemnation of the behavior described here. This makes it easy for us to answer our question: Does this passage apply to inherently same-gender-attracted people who are living in loving, committed relationships?

If we follow the passage, step-by-step, we find Paul is moving through a logical progression. He is talking about people who:

  1. Refused to acknowledge and glorify God. (v. 21)
  2. Began worshiping idols (images of created things, rather than the Creator). (v. 23)
  3. Were more interested in earthly pursuits than spiritual pursuits. (v. 25)
  4. Gave up their natural, i.e., innate, passion for the opposite sex in an unbounded search for pleasure. (v. 26-27)
  5. Lived lives full of covetousness, malice, envy, strife, slander, disrespect for parents, pride, and hatred of God. (v. 29-32)

The model of homosexual behavior Paul was addressing here is explicitly associated with idol worship (probably temple prostitution, and with people who, in an unbridled search for pleasure (or because of religious rituals associated with their idolatry), broke away from their natural sexual orientation, participating in promiscuous sex with anyone available.

There are, no doubt, modern people who engage in homosexual sex for reasons similar to those identified in Romans 1. If someone began with a clear heterosexual orientation, but rejected God and began experimenting with gay sex simply as a way of experiencing a new set of pleasures, then this passage may apply to that person. But this is not the experience of the vast majority of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

Miner and Conolley go on to point out that the people being discussed in this passage, because of whatever specific actions they have taken (much of Christendom would say because of their idolatry and homosexual activity), “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

I know and have known many homosexual people in my lifetime and this describes almost none of them. As a matter of fact there are many homosexual people who have grown up in the church, who love God and wanted nothing more than to follow Jesus and to love their neighbors who were met with evil, malice, strife, gossip, slander and several other things listed here simply for saying they were attracted to members of the same gender. How does that add up? On the web site gaychristian.net Justin Lee says in his essay:

Notice that Paul talks about homosexuality in connection with the fertility rites (look for the “therefore” in v. 24 and “because of this” in v. 26), and not in the list of sins at the end of the passage.

Rome was known at the time to be a society full of idol worship. Sex acts were almost always a part of the temple worship of these false gods. This section is clearly written in that context. Even in Roman society as a whole sex was thought of in a way that would be totally foreign to us today.

Wikipedia notes regarding the attitudes regarding sex in the Roman world,

No moral censure was directed at the adult male who enjoyed sex acts with either women or males of inferior status, as long as his behaviors revealed no weaknesses or excesses, nor infringed on the rights and prerogatives of his male peers. While perceived effeminacy was denounced, especially in political rhetoric, sex in moderation with male prostitutes or slaves was not regarded as improper or vitiating to masculinity, if the male citizen took the active and not the receptive role.

We should also discuss the “due penalty for their error” clause. Many Christians teach that the “error” is homosexuality and that the “due penalty” is sexually transmitted disease or AIDS. This really just doesn’t make sense on its face. Heterosexuals get sexually transmitted diseases and lesbians have the lowest risk of contracting AIDS. It seems obvious to me this is talking about something else. In What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak, he states,

…what is translated as “in their own persons” reads differently in Greek. A better translation would be “among themselves.” The reference is not to individuals and their persons but to the Gentiles as a whole, to their culture.

Moreover, the word “penalty” offers a loaded translation; it carries a negative connotation which is not in the Greek. The Greek word simply means “recompense, “desserts,” or ” payment,” which could be positive, negative or neutral.

Given what we already understand about the first chapter of Romans, a very easy explanation of verse 27 arises. The error Paul refers to is not homosexuality but Gentile idolatry. Idolatry is his concern throughout the whole of that chapter: they knew God but did not worship God. And the recompense that comes to the Gentiles for not worshiping God is the uncleanness that is a regular part of their culture.

The other thing I love that no one talks about is what immediately follows this section in Romans 2 (please also remember that Chapter breaks and headings were added to help people find their way around scripture and have no authority). Let’s look at Romans 2 where Paul makes sure that the Roman believers know who is the righteous Judge.

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?  (Romans 2:1-4)

So, right after Paul discusses idol worship, having no other Gods, turning against God and who he made you (for some people this means homosexual) and living lives full of covetousness, malice, envy, strife, slander, disrespect for parents, pride, and hatred of God, he turns around and says, “Hey, don’t be too quick to judge though, because you have done the same things!” Hmm.

In the book Jesus, The Bible and Homosexuality, Jack Rogers, points out several errors people make when interpreting this passage.

(1) they lose sight of the fact that this passage is primarily about idolatry, (2) they overlook Paul’s point that we are all sinners, (3) they miss the cultural subtext, and (4) they apply Paul’s condemnation of immoral sexual activity to faithful gay and lesbian Christians who are not idolaters, who love God, and who seek to live in thankful obedience to God.

You can read more at:

gaychristian.net
Would Jesus Discriminate?
Gentle Shepherd MCC
Amazon Book list

Related articles

Today My Daughter’s World Changed and It Broke My Heart

This morning I was reading the news and  my daughter walked in and asked me why this woman was crying. My first reaction was to say, “It is complicated” and just sweep it under the rug and hide it from her. She is 9 after all. But then my son came downstairs…
And then I remembered that Kent and I have never shied away from talking to our kids about sex, about pornography, about politics, about death.
And then I remembered that it is women’s history month.
And then I remembered what Rachel Held Evans taught me about honoring and remembering those who have been unjustly killed or harmed.
And then I remembered that nothing changes if I don’t teach my children.
And then I remembered that my son and my daughter must hear from me how wrong this is and how tragic.
And then I remembered that I have to teach them that we must stand up for those without power.
And then I remembered that they have to be told over and over and over…

that women are not less than
that women are not the cause of men’s sin
that women are not to be covered up
that women are not to be silenced
that women are not subhuman
that women are made in God‘s image
that women are equal to men
that women should be able to drive
that women should be able to go out alone
that women should be able to talk to men
that women should be able to have an education
that women should not have to live in fear of their husbands
that women should not have to live in fear of their sons
that women should not have to live in fear of their parents
that women should not have to live in fear of their brothers

I told them why this woman was crying. I told them about Fakhra Younus. I told them about acid attacks and honor killings. I told them there were cultures where women don’t get to go to school, or drive, or go out without a male family member, or speak to a man who was not a family member.

My daughter sat silent and motionless and then she looked up at me and said, “Why?” Why women? Why girls? Why would they do this? Afterall, she has been taught that she is equal. She has been taught that she is valued. She has grown up where she can choose her clothes and go to school and someday learn to drive and have a job. But as I looked at her I could see that she realized that there are people in the world who will always look at her and see less than. There are people who if they had their way would clip her wings and cover her beauty and squelch the fire that makes her an amazing reflection of the image of God. It broke my heart.

We had to leave for school. But we will talk about it again, and again and again. Because my son needs to know. Because my daughter needs to know. And so do yours. Or nothing will change.

Related articles

Popularity Contest

So today I thought I would catch you up to what has been happening in the world of Word of a Woman thanks to you all.
Recently, WordPress has started keeping track of the countries where you all live. I am shocked and amazed at how my words have traveled all around the world thanks to those of you who have re-posted and shared my blog with your friends. Thank you.

To date the blog has been viewed 5,428 times.
Since Feb 25th, when WordPress started keeping track, the blog has been viewed in 36 countries including, the US, Canada, the UK, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, UAE, Philippines, India, France, Germany, Venezuela, Uganda, Belgium, South Africa, Slovakia, Netherlands, Switzerland, Indonesia, Taiwan, new Zealand, Jersey, Iraq, Puerto Rico, Norway, Brazil, Croatia, Republic of Korea, Portugal, Jamaica, Turkey, Russian Federation, Spain, Italy and Jordan. I am humbled. Welcome everyone!

So far there have been 231 comments. I would love to see this number go up! I would love to hear your thoughts on the blog. I would love for your voice to be heard. We can all learn from one another.

Feel free to share Word of a Woman on your facebook account or reblog any of my posts, please just remember to link back to wordofawoman.com if you reblog.

Without further ado, I would like to share what you all have enjoyed the most…

Your top 10 favorite posts have been:

1. Pray Away the Gay

2. Dear John Piper, Would You Like a Ride on my Toboggan?

3. Raped Too Much

4. Homosexuality & God: Part 1

5. Girls can’t/shouldn’t/wouldn’t want to do that. -or- Rick Santorum & the DISD are out of touch.

6. Sledding Down the Slippery Slope.

7. Why Word of a Woman?

8. What If God Was One of Us?

9. I don’t like the word slut and you can’t make me use it.

10. Jesus Loves Cosmo Girls.

The top 10 posts that you have liked well enough to share are:

1. Pray Away the Gay?

2. Why Word of a Woman?

3. What If God Was One of Us?

4. I am a Log Cabin Christian

5. Dear John Piper, Would You Like a Ride on my Toboggan?

6. I don’t like the word slut and you can’t make me use it.

7. Raped Too Much?

8. How to Get the Right Guy to Like You? Really???

9. Some are More Equal than Others

10. The True Magic Kingdom

Here are some of my favs that didn’t make your lists:

Sledding Down the Slippery Slope.

We Are Not Alone

Invitation to Dance.

I’m Celebrating Arbor Day Early This Year.

Also, any of my poetry

I would also like to ask you for your help…

Please take a minute to read, Let me Help You with Your Luggage or Coming Out of the Church Closet.

If you know anyone who would be willing to share their story, or if you would like to share your story, please forward this post on to them.

Thank you my lovlies for being here with me in this life. I am overwhelmed by each of you.

I don’t like the word slut and you can’t make me use it.

When I first heard about the Rush Limbaugh debacle this week I had a knee jerk reaction and wrote a rambling tirade that I thought I was ready to post. Luckily for me I have an awesome sounding board to run these things by before I hit the publish button. First of all, as my husband pointed out, Rush uses the absurd and offensive to point out what he thinks is absurd and offensive.
Normally I understand this and get that this is his way of making a point and that although it isn’t the way I choose to make a point (I personally do not listen to Rush) it is usually effective.
And whether or not you agree with his politics there are people on both sides of the aisle that employ the same tactics.

This week however, Rush used a word that I do have a problem with. Slut.  The definition of the word slut according to dictionary.com is:

1. a dirty, slovenly woman.
2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute
There are people who believe that Ms Fluke fits the second definition because she is participating in extramarital sex. I would contend, however, that using this word is inflammatory and does nothing to further a civilized conversation. Not everyone comes to the table of our government with the same moral standards. Some people believe that homosexuality is a sin but that doesn’t mean it is acceptable to call a homosexual couple testifying before congress for marriage equality dykes or faggots. It is counter productive. It doesn’t address the issues. How about if we have an older gentleman who wants his health care provider to cover Viagra even if he is a widower? Do you think we would be calling him a mimbo or a man-slut? I don’t think so. It just isn’t something men generally have to worry about. It starts in school where it is cool for boys to be experienced and bad for girls to be experienced. Sexually active girls are sluts. Sexually active boys are studs. Rush himself is on his fourth marriage and admittedly takes Viagra. Granted, he isn’t asking anyone else to pay for it.

Now, I don’t think that Ms. Fluke’s choice to be sexually active outside of marriage is the best way to find sexual fulfillment. I also disagree with her desire to see her CATHOLIC university forced to provide her with birth control which they consider to be sinful. I also disagree with the government telling private insurance companies and organizations what they must cover. In contrast it does seem to me that it is more cost effective to pay for birth control rather than to pay for labor and delivery and child health care but what do I know? Insurance companies seem to know more about how to make money in this area than I do.

Here is the thing, even though I have no scriptural proof, I truly feel that if confronted with Ms. Fluke Jesus would not choose to use the word slut. Jesus was at one point directly confronted by a women caught in the act of a sexual sin in the scriptures. He was given the opportunity to condemn her and he did not. In John 3:8-11 tells the story.

3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

I get it. The purpose of Rush Limbaugh’s show is entertainment and political commentary. His mission on his show is not repentance and reconciliation to God and he is free under the First Amendment to use whatever words he chooses. For me, however, as a follower of Christ, I do not condemn Ms. Fluke. I disagree with what she is asking for. But you will NEVER hear me calling her a slut. I will tell you that I believe she will be most happy in her relationships if she sets aside sex for her future husband. I also know that it is not our government’s job to tell her she cannot have sex and her church cannot prevent her from going against their teachings. Consequently, it makes no sense to me that she should be able to demand that the government force her Catholic university to pay for her contraceptives. If she wants her heath plan to pay for contraceptives she should buy a plan that covers them. They do exist.

Chasing the Wild Goose.

The 2012 Wildgoose Festival from The Work Of The People on Vimeo.  8WR3B6XAKWCY

The Wild Goose Festival is so named because of a belief that the Celts used the wild goose (an geadh-glas) as a metaphor for the Holy Spirit.
The Festival‘s web site puts it this way:

The Wild Goose is a Celtic spirituality metaphor that evokes unpredictability, beauty, and grace. The festival resonates with this image because we recognize that in the current climate of religious and political division and lack of civility, embracing the creative and open nature of our faith is perhaps our greatest asset for re-building and strengthening our relationships with each other, with our enemies, with our stories, our questions, and the other. In that spirit, in an informal setting, and in the context of creative and respectful relationships, we invite you to imagine a new world with us.

The Festival’s creators envision it as an intersection of justice, spirituality, music and art. They welcome everyone and they do not censor the conversation. They like to say they ” invite respectful – but fearless – conversation and action for the common good.”

Last year in a blog post he wrote just before heading to the first Wild Goose Festival, Jim Wallace (who will be one of the conversation starters this year) wrote this:

Too often, it feels like we need to make a choice between the work of this world, and the work of the Spirit, or between a personal focus, or a social focus of the gospel. “Either/or” marks how some churches present the Christian faith. Often, however, this is a false dichotomy. Early in the days of the Sojourners community I remember that one of our favorite words was “and.” We would talk about personal salvation and social justice, prayer and peacemaking, faith and action, belief and obedience, salvation and discipleship, worship and politics, spiritual transformation and social transformation. These were things that complemented one another and deepened each other instead of being in opposition.

He went on to refer to the Festival as “an “and” kind of space. I like that. It feels like a deep breath of clean crisp early morning mountain air.

Today the organizers announced this years line up of speakers and musicians. The soundtrack will be eclectic mix of rock, worldbeat, hiphop, spoken word and folk protest. (Including, one of my best friend’s brother’s band Damion Suomi and the Minor Prophets).

The conversation will begin with many voices:

Brian McLaren
Alexia Salvatierra
Rita Nagashima Brock
Shane Claiborne
Lisa Sharon Harper
Vincent Harding
Tema Okun
Tim Tyson
Jim Wallice
Leroy Barber
Julie Clawson
Dave Andrews

The dates for the festival are June 21-24. The event is held at Shakori Hills, a 72-acre farm owned by a community arts center known for hosting several regional blue grass festivals each year. Shakori Hills is approximately one hour from Durham, North Carolina. There will also be amazing locavore food vendors from Durham’s food truck culture. You can get all the cost info and register here.

Raped Too Much?

This weekend on Fox News Liz Trotta, no stranger to controversy, showed herself to be totally insensitive and strangely misogynistic. In her discussion with host Eric Shawn she made several inflammatory statements.

 “Women once more, the feminists, going, wanting to be warriors and victims at the same time.”

Let me get this straight: she is saying if women sign up to fight for freedom and their country then they should expect to be raped and not complain about it. In other words, they should not expect to be able to serve alongside men without being sexually assaulted by her fellow soldiers.

“The sexual abuse report says there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect? These people are in close contact.”

What about every law abiding honorable male who has ever served in the military? They should receive medals for restraint! After all,no man can keep himself from raping a woman when they are “in close contact.” So, Ms. Trotta, should every woman who is in “close contact with a man” expect to be raped?

“So, you have this whole bureaucracy being built up with all kinds of levels of people to support women in the military who are now being RAPED TOO MUCH.”

Now honestly, is this woman trying to assert that there is an amount of rape which is not “too much”?  Exactly how much rape is too much, Ms. Trotta?

Ms. Trotta lays the responsibilities for these rapes squarely at the feet of “the feminist.” Dictionary.com defines feminist as one who is, “advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.”  I fail to see how advocating for such rights causes fellow soldiersto rape one another. After all, I am assuming Ms. Trotta is not herself a feminist and yet she seems to think that the raping of female soldiers is to be expected. Perhaps people with her way of thinking are actually the problem and not “the feminist”.

Sadly, this just seems like the same worn out reasoning that doing the wrong thing, acting the wrong way, wearing the wrong clothes, or frankly just having a vagina means women are asking for it. Please. Really? Are we STILL blaming the women for all sexual sin?

Melissa McEwan in her book Shakesville puts it this way:

Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.

Apparently now we can add if you join the military and if you are in close contact with men to this list. The EVER. GROWING. LIST.  Maybe, just maybe, Ms. Trotta would be happier if we all wore burqas and never left the house unless we were with a male relative. After all, that would surely fix the problem.

Related articles

Pray Away the Gay?

Today’s post is dedicated to every boy, girl, man or woman who has ever attempted to “pray away the gay.” I am sorry. I am sorry that anyone ever made you think that God didn’t love you JUST. LIKE. YOU. ARE.
This post has been coming all week. I apologize in advance for its length.
First I saw a picture on Facebook that was posted by a friend…

The caption said: A Christian group shows up to a Chicago Gay Pride parade holding apologetic signs including “I’m sorry for how the church treated you”.

This is a beautiful thing.

As the week progressed, I came across an amazing blog post in Rachel Held Evans‘ Sunday Superlatives called, A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On by Glennon Melton.” (You can read the whole post here.)

Part of the post was about how kids model what adults say and do and that we as adults and parents have to do better if we ever expect bullying to stop. But the second half was a letter to her son who is still just a little guy. It reads:

Dear Chase,

Whoever you are, whoever you become. You are loved. You are a miracle. You are our dream come true.

Chase, here is what would happen in our home if one day you tell your father and I that you are gay.

Our eyes would open wide.

And we would grab you and hold you tighter than you would be able to bear. And while we were holding you we would say a silent prayer that as little time as possible passed between the moment you knew you were gay and the moment you told us. And that you were never once afraid to tell us. And we would love you and ask you one million questions and then we would love you some more and finally, I would likely rush out to buy some rainbow t-shirts, honey, because you know mama likes to have an appropriate outfit for every occasion.

And I don’t mean, Chase, that we would be tolerant of you and your sexuality. If our goal is to be tolerant of people who are different than we are, Chase, then we really are aiming quite low. Traffic jams are to be tolerated. People are to be celebrated. People, every person, Is Divine. And so there would be celebrating. Celebrating that you would be one step closer to matching your outsides with your insides, to being who you are. And there would be a teeny part of my heart that would leap at the realization that I would forever be the most important woman in your life. And then we would tell everyone. We would not concern ourselves too much with their reactions. There will always be party poopers, baby.

We just wanted you to know this, honey. We’ve worried that since we are Christians, and since we love The Bible so much, that there might come a day when you feel unclear about our feelings about this. Because there are a few parts in The Bible that discuss homosexuality as a sin. So let us be clear about how we feel, because we have spent years of research and prayer and discussion deciding.

Chase, we don’t believe that homosexuality is a sin. Your parents are Christians who carefully choose what we believe and follow in the Bible. Some will tell you that this approach to Christianity is scandalous and blasphemous. But the thing is, honey, that the only thing that’s scandalous about this approach is admitting it out loud. The truth is that every Christian is a Christian who picks and chooses what to follow in the Bible.

Several years ago I was in a Bible study at church, and there was some talk about homosexuality being sinful, and I spoke up. I quoted Mother Teresa and said “When we judge people we have no time to love them.” And I was immediately reprimanded for my blasphemy by a woman who reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10. But I was very confused because this woman was speaking. In church. And she was also wearing a necklace. And I could see her hair, baby. She had no head covering. All of which are things that are sooooo totally against the Bible Rules. * And so I just assumed that she had decided not to follow the parts of the Bible that limited her particular freedoms, but to go ahead and hold fast to the parts that limited other people’s freedoms. I didn’t point this out at the time baby, because she wasn’t a bad person. People are doing the best they can, mostly. It’s best not to embarrass people.

What I’m trying to say is that each Christian uses different criteria to decide what parts of the Bible to prioritize and demonstrate in their lives. Our criteria is that if it doesn’t bring us closer to seeing humanity as one, as connected, if it turns our judgment outward instead of inward, if it doesn’t help us become better lovers of God and others, if it distracts us from remembering what we are really supposed to be doing down here, which is finding God in every human being, serving each other before ourselves, feeding hungry people, comforting the sick and sad, giving up everything we have for others, laying down our lives for our friends . . . then we just assume we don’t understand it yet, we put it on a shelf, and we move on. Because all I need to know is that I am reborn. And here’s what I believe it means to be reborn:

The first time you’re born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you’re born, you identify the whole world as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club, it’s about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who’s in and who’s out at all costs. Everybody’s in, baby. That’s what makes it beautiful. And hard. If working out your faith is not beautiful and hard, find a new one to work out. And if spiritual teachers are encouraging you to fear anyone, watch them closely, honey. Raise your eyebrow and then your hand. Because the phrase repeated most often in that Bible they are quoting is Do Not Be Afraid. So when they tell you that gay people are a threat to marriage, honey, think hard.

I can only speak from my personal experience, but I’ve been married for eight years and barely any gay people have tried to break up my marriage. I say barely any because that Nate Berkus is a little shady. I am defenseless against his cuteness and eye for accessories and so he is always convincing me to buy beautiful trinkets with our grocery money. This drives your sweet father a bit nuts. So you might want to keep your eye on Berkus. But with the exception of him, I’m fairly certain that the only threats to my marriage are my pride and anger and plain old human wanderlust. Do not be afraid of people who seem different than you, baby. Different always turns out to be an illusion. Look hard.

Chase, God gave you the Bible, and He also gave you your heart and your mind and I believe He’d like you to use all three. It’s a good system of checks and balances He designed. Prioritizing can still be hard, though. Jesus predicted that. So he gave us this story. A man approached Jesus and said that he was very confused by all of God’s laws and directions and asked Jesus to break it down for him. He said, “What are the most important laws?” And Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love others as yourself.” ** When in doubt, Chase, measure all your decisions and beliefs against that. Make damn sure that you are offering others the same rights, courtesies, and respect that you expect for yourself. If you do that, you can’t go wrong.

Chase, you are okay. You are a child of God. As is everyone else. There is nothing that you can become or do that will make God love you any more or any less. Nothing that you already are or will become is a surprise to God. Tomorrow has already been approved.

And so baby, your father and I have only one specific expectation of you. And that is that you celebrate others the way we celebrate you. That you remember, every day, every minute, that there is no one on God’s Green Earth who deserves more or less respect than you do, My Love.

“He has shown you what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” ***

 Love, Mama

PS. We thought we should mention, honey, that if you’re straight, that’s okay too. I mean, it’d be a little anti-climactic now, honestly. But your father and I will deal.

PPS. All of the above holds true if you are overweight or Muslim too. No problem on either count.

PPPS. As daddy read this essay, I watched his gorgeous face intensify. He teared up a little. Then he slammed the letter down on the kitchen table and said emphatically and without a touch of irony, “DAMN STRAIGHT.”

Which, when you think about it honey, is really the funniest possible thing daddy could have said.

Love you Forever.

It made me cry. It made me cry for people I know from my past like Chase Hutchison from A list Dallas who grew up in a church I used to attend, friends from high school like Seth, Scott & Eddie, people from my church like Cathy & Crystal, people in my extended family like Tracey & Liz and today it helped me learn about my husband’s friend. She saw his post of the previous article on facebook which started a conversation. He knew a little bit of her story so he sent her a private message and asked her if she would be willing to share her experiences. With her permission I share her story here in her own words. I pray you will find it as powerful as I did.

I have been a Christian my whole life. Some of my first memories are of going to church with my family, and the church has remained a frequent source of joy and compassion throughout my life. I have accepted Christ three separate and distinct times, which may sound funny. The first was as a child,probably before I knew much about what it meant. The second was as a 12-year old, when I knew more about what it meant. And the third was as a 28-year old lesbian, when I knew exactly what it meant.

Growing up in a small Texas town that had more churches than gas stations, I frequently sat through sermons about right and wrong. That same town had only one gay person: the junior high P.E. coach (enter cliché here), so homosexuality was a frequent – and easy – topic on which to preach. From the pulpit I heard about “them” being Other…Unacceptable…Fallen. History teaches us little more than that having a common enemy unites. Cheaply, but unites nonetheless. We all want to feel like someone is worse than us. I have done that myself many times…judged others in order to feel less judged myself. It is bullying, and I am ashamed of that.

I was 13 years old when I realized that I was attracted to girls (not all of them, of course). It was not a choice that I made. The biology of the body doesn’t lie (to dispense with the abusive/absentee mother theory: I come from a nonabusive, stable, loving home of two parents (married for 43 years this July) and four children, of whom I am the third). Having been deeply engrained with the idea that homosexuals were unacceptable, I felt absolute and total panic. As I think of it, I can still feel my heart race. But the “I think I’m gay” conversation doesn’t have a place in the Christian world of a young girl, or boy for that matter. Not with my church. Not with my family. Not with my friends.

So I turned immediately to God – a practice that I’m still quite fond of. I started a prayer journal, which I would continue for the next ten years. I would ask God to “take it away from me,” and to “fix me.” I even asked God to let me live until I was straight, so that I wouldn’t go to hell. I was too afraid of someone reading the journal to actually write down the issue, but it permeates my prayers. As I read back through those hundreds of pages now, I cry for that girl who felt so alone, so ashamed, so unworthy, and so separated from the Love of God. My sexual orientation consumed my prayer life for years after.

I also immersed myself in the practice of my faith: Bible studies, worship groups, Young Life, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Sunday School, everything. If I get close enough to God, I can’t still like girls, right? I also lived the life I sought after so desperately. I dated boys, kissed boys, and ultimately married one. My mantra was some version of “fake it ‘til you make it.” And I believed that would work. I was taught that it would.

In 2006, three years into my marriage, I got sick. Quite sick. I was having panic attacks several times a week, was depressed, and was working 17-hour days to keep myself from being at home. All still while praying and attending church constantly. It was as though the secret I had been keeping for all those years became too much to keep down. It was like a poison. I finally decided to tell my husband that I was attracted to women. Around the same time, I told my family. I should have told them earlier, but I was afraid. And that is my fault, not theirs.

My husband and I prayed and cried and turned to our church for help. We believed that prayer and support would provide a way out of it. But our church’s solution was some version of “pray away the gay,” and I was confident that was not going to work (see prayer journal for the prior 13 years, though we nonetheless continued to pray that I would be “healed”). Committed to staying together, we experimented with unconventional marital arrangements, none of which worked. After three years of hope, my husband and I divorced in 2009. He has forgiven me for it all, and he remains the most Godly man I have ever known. His love, support, and compassion are a constant reflection of God’s love for me, and – while he has had his own struggles with the situation – he remains one of the two great earthly loves of my life. And God has forgiven me as well.

While my marriage came undone, something else happened. With every honest word I spoke about myself, I got better. And not only did I get better, my faith transformed from a judgmental expression of failed expectations into one of compassion, love, hope, and grace. And through that I have realized that the separation from God I felt for all those years was my fault, because I let something come between me and Christ’s Love. Now I know that nothing…nothing…nothing can come between me and the Love of Christ. I only wish that fewer churches taught that something could…that some things do.

From the scriptural perspective, my best answer is that a condemnation of homosexuality in the Bible is a reflection of the time in which it was written, and that it needs to be interpreted with some acknowledgement of human rights progress. It’s also worth noting that Jesus, in His Sermon on the Mount, was far more concerned with sins of the heart than sins of the flesh. But the reality is that if homosexuality is a sin, then I am a sinner. And even if homosexuality is not a sin, I am still a sinner. I cannot change who I am attracted to. Believe me, I tried. I wept and prayed and tried and wept and prayed and tried. So far, God has seen it fit to leave me and love me just as I am. And so I am not afraid of it anymore…not ashamed of it…and it is no longer a secret. I am gay, and God loves me. I have Christ to thank for that.

Now I am in a committed relationship with my partner of several years. We pray together, worship together at a wonderful church in which we can hold hands during communion and not be judged, and ask God together to bless and guide our family. God hears our prayers, and we feel His peace in our hearts.

I listen frequently to the Church v. Gays battle that goes on in cities and churches all over the country. I feel like screaming “I am gay AND a Christian AND conservative!” But what I find is that’s too much for people to understand, which I completely appreciate because it was too much for me to understand for
28 years of my life.

The response from many of my life-long friends was difficult. Soon after word got out that I was gay, I started to receive emails from people urging me to “repent,” to “seek the Church,” and to “turn back to Christ.” Most of them were replete with scripture and ended with “I’m praying for you.” The obvious assumption was that I had given up my faith in favor of my sexual orientation, but nothing could be further from the truth. I have done my best to respond with love even when I’ve felt judged and rejected. During a moment of wanting to be understood, I asked a friend: “What would you do if you had a physical reaction to another man?” His response: “I would kill myself.” That was the church talking. Not God. And I realized things were even worse than I had thought. Only one person has ever asked me how my faith relates to my sexuality. Everyone else assumed it didn’t.

I share my story because I think of that boy or girl who, sitting in church this Sunday loving God, is attracted to the same gender and feels ashamed…scared…separated from God. Though surrounded by Christians who are the best in the world at loving, he or she will probably not find acceptance or compassion. It is more likely that he or she will find at atmosphere of rejection, unacceptability, and a “let’s pray that you change” attitude. And that makes my heart ache, having spent 28 years wondering how God could love me if I am gay. We can do better. We all need the grace of Christ to be acceptable in God’s sight. If you’re ever looking for that grace, you can find it under my feet, in my arms, and stamped across my heart. I pray that every person has a moment in his or her life at which it is realized that all of us sin and fall short of the Glory of God. That’s not just a line; we really do.

In the words of Ms. Melton, I want every gay person to know that “They are loved as they are. Without a single unless.” By me and by God.

Some are More Equal than Others

Today I received the latest e-newsletter from Christians for Biblical Equality (subscribe here, current issue here). It is always filled with good informative articles. Also, their quarterly academic journal Priscilla Papers are an amazing resource.

Anyway, as I was reading it over today, I came across a quote from a blog on Red Letter Christians by Jenny Rae Armstrong (read the blog post here) who said,

According to the Centers for Disease Control, one out of every four girls has been sexually molested by the time she turns 14. (Stop for a moment and let that sink in. One in four of our precious little girls.) One in six women has been a victim of attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, and approximately 7.8 million women have been raped by a boyfriend, husband, or significant other. According to estimates from the US Department of Justice, fewer than half of all rapes are reported to the police, and only one out of twenty rapists ever spends a day in jail for their crimes.

What this tells me is that the problem isn’t histrionic shepherdesses crying wolf. Most of them never even make a peep. The real problem is that the flocks are teeming with wolves, and women are afraid to speak up for fear of getting their throats torn out. Liar. Hussy. Shameful. Slut. Everyone will hate you if you tell.

Too often, we’re proving the wolves right.

Friends, sexual harassment is a serious issue. As Christians, we need to stop minimizing these evils and listen carefully to what the victims have to say. Even when it costs us something. Even when it makes us uncomfortable. And rest assured, it probably will.

1 in 4 before 14, 1 in 6 in her lifetime, fewer than half are reported to authorities & only 1 in 20 spends time in jail. And this is in the United States. This got me to thinking about the state of violence against women world-wide. I wasn’t going to post all the numbers but then I couldn’t decide which to cut so here is most of the article available from The United Nations:

Violence against women and girls is a problem of pandemic proportions. Based on country data available, up to 70 percent of women experience physical or sexual violence from men in their lifetime — the majority by husbands, intimate partners or someone they know.

Among women aged between 15 and 44, acts of violence cause more death and disability than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war combined. Perhaps the most pervasive human rights violation that we know today, violence against women devastates lives, fractures communities, and stalls development.

It takes many forms and occurs in many places — domestic violence in the home, sexual abuse of girls in schools, sexual harassment at work, rape by husbands or strangers, in refugee camps or as a tactic of war.

Femicide

In the United States, one-third of women murdered each year are killed by intimate partners.
In South Africa, a woman is killed every 6 hours by an intimate partner.
In India, 22 women were killed each day in dowry-related murders in 2007.
In Guatemala, two women are murdered, on average, each day.

Trafficking

Women and girls comprise 80 percent of the estimated 800,000 people trafficked annually, with the majority (79 percent) trafficked for sexual exploitation.

Harmful Practices

Approximately 100 to 140 million girls and women in the world have experienced female genital mutilation/cutting, with more than 3 million girls in Africa annually at risk of the practice.
More than 60 million girls worldwide are child brides, married before the age of 18, primarily in South Asia (31.1 million and Sub-Saharan Africa (14.1 million).

Sexual Violence against Women and Girls

An estimated 150 million girls under 18 suffered some form of sexual violence in 2002 alone.
As many as 1 in 4 women experience physical and/or sexual violence during pregnancy which increases the likelihood of having a miscarriage, still birth and abortion.
Up to 53 percent of women physically abused by their intimate partners are being kicked or punched in the abdomen.
In Sao Paulo, Brazil, a woman is assaulted every 15 seconds.
In Ecuador, adolescent girls reporting sexual violence in school identified teachers as the perpetrator in 37 percent of cases.

Rape as a method of warfare

Approximately 250,000 to 500,000 women and girls were raped in the 1994 Rwandan genocide.
In eastern Democratic Republic of Congo, at least 200,000 cases of sexual violence, mostly involving women and girls, have been documented since 1996, though the actual numbers are considered to be much higher.

Cost of Violence against Women

Domestic violence alone cost approximately USD 1.16 billion in Canada and USD 5.8 billion in the United States. In Australia, violence against women and children costs an estimated USD 11.38 billion per year.

Sexual Harassment

Between 40 and 50 percent of women in European Union countries experience unwanted sexual advancements, physical contact or other forms of sexual harassment at their workplace.
In the United States, 83 percent of girls aged 12 to 16 experienced some form of sexual harassment in public schools.

Church, this should NOT be so. Therefore, it is my commitment to in my corner of the world to say no more. I will encourage women to come forward. I will defend them against those who would call them “Liar. Hussy. Shameful. Slut.” and I will resist the ugly place in my heart that would call them that myself.

There is a concept called synchronicity which is according to dictionary.com, “an apparently meaningful coincidence in time of two or more similar or identical events that are causally unrelated.” I experienced this today when I first saw the Arise Newsletter. I immediately thought of our Novitas life group discussion from last night about helping our community by volunteering at Brighter Tomorrows (a local battered women’s shelter). I am more committed than ever to volunteer at this shelter in some capacity in the coming year. The church must be an agent for change on behalf of women where violence is concerned whenever and wherever possible.

Sadly, the church has a less than stellar record when it comes to its stance on violence against women. Even though (I would hope) most people would say they are staunchly opposed to all violence against women, too often women are told if they would just do a better job of submitting, their husband wouldn’t hit them or emotionally abuse them. Or worse yet, a popular book on submission “Created to Be His Helpmeet” which says on Page 270: [In a discussion of enduring abuse in silence:] “Women who threaten to report him to the law,’… are rebellious. They will never make it to the hall of fame found in Hebrews 11, where Sara was listed, nor will they make it into a heavenly marriage here on earth. They will go to their graves unloved and uncherished, a total failure as the woman God called them to be.” In a book I read last year by J Lee Grady, 10 Lies the Church Tells Women,  he discusses a comprehensive study done in the mid 80’s by clinical psychologist Jim M. Alsdurf (Fuller Theological Seminary) in which 5700 Protestant pastors in the U.S. and Canada were surveyed. The study found:

  • 26% said they normally tell a woman who is abused by her husband that she should continue to submit to him “and to trust that God would honor her action by either stopping the abuse or giving her the strength to endure it.”
  • About 25% said a lack of submissiveness in the wife is what triggered the violence in the first place.
  • 71% said they would never advise a battered wife to leave her husband or separate because of abuse
  • 92% said they would never counsel a battered wife to seek divorce.

Shocking. I have even heard of women who were told that even if their husband’s abuse results in her death that God will reward her for her obedience. Oh, hell no. I think that makes God sick. I just envision him screaming through his tears, “NO! NO! NO!”  I can only hope that these numbers have changed dramatically in the last 30 years. Sadly, it is my fear that they have not. Books continue to come out and people continue to preach doctrines that implicitly if not explicitly teach that women are equal to men in the same way that the pigs in George Orwell’s Animal Farm so eloquently put it, “All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.”

Related articles