It’s true, I am a Cosmo subscriber. I read it for the articles on sex. In fact that is pretty much the only reason I buy it. Oh, I might peruse the other pages occasionally looking at the latest fashion trends or hairstyles, but make no mistake I buy it for the sex tips. While I am sure this will shock the sensibilities of some of my readers, I suspect that many other women in the church will be calling me a “fun fearless female” (my fellow Cosmo readers will get the reference). Of course I do not always agree with everything I read in Cosmo, but that is true of almost everything I read. Since I began on this quest a couple years ago to *ahem* actively embrace my womanhood, I have started doing a lot of things to educate myself, like hosting “let’s talk about sex” nights for the women I know (many of them followers of Jesus) who are longing for friends who are not afraid to talk openly and frankly about sex. I have also started reading lots of books; books about women and their position in society; books about women and their place in the church and ministry of Jesus; books about women and their relationships in marriage, their homes and their workplaces. I am also relatively certain that Novitas was the first church to ever have a Passion Party as a fund raiser for a mission trip. So all you fun fearless females out there, I hope this post encourages you to educate yourselves not only about your sexuality, but also about who you are as a person and as a follower of Jesus. Go ahead, pull out your most recent issue of Cosmo or maybe a copy of Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham and don’t be ashamed. Be an Ashat Chail (woman of valor)! Sex (within marriage) is a beautiful thing. Education is a beautiful thing. Becoming who you were always meant to be is a very beautiful thing.
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word of a woman 
I think this topic should be discussed more. As I’m training for women’s health I’m always so surprised by the sheer numbers of women who hate sex. Married women who still won’t talk that much and have always had pain. So frustrating. I think if people knew more about it there would be happier marriages.
I feel like as women sometimes we are scared to educate ourselves because we were not allowed to ask “those” types of questions. It was more of a you should know this stuff, like it downloads into your brain one day. Yay for Cosmo
Agreed Erin & Nanette good thoughts.
I have to put my 2 cents in on this one.. Women are often labeled as girls. They are either good girls or bad girls. Some of this is caused by ugly words, some by misconstrued actions.. It leads to a hurt that carries chains with it, and that God wants us to be free from….Why does that have to follow us in to marriage? Why is it that if you start thinking of something that will encourage sexual gratification in marriage, you go back to the label…it is obviously not something a good girl would do. The venue you really have to communicate all that oneness is shut away because of embarrassment, or shame from past experiences, or miseducation due to arenas where human depravity remains strong… ie: porn industry. And communication is cut off because women are afraid of what their husbands might think… Seriously… I have talked to several women from several walks of life, and for the most part…they are quiet. What does that say about God’s intention for marriage versus what we think He intends? It frustrates me because I know that it can be so much more fulfilling. The good part of that is that I am not the only one frustrated by this, and people are talking, and lives are becoming more enjoyable because freedom is being introduced. Thanks for the thoughts…I might have to go pick up an issue of Cosmo 😉
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dori. I couldn’t agree with you more. It is true that this is a huge issue in marriages. I know that I have struggled with exactly what you mentioned. For years women have been given the impression that there is something wrong with them, that it is theirs alone to control men’s sexual feelings. That we have to be the ones who are just attractive enough without being too attractive because men have no self control. I believe this comes from the doctrine that women are the source of all sexual sin. So from a young age, girls in the church are taught to say no, not to think about sex and when they do they are taught that they are bad girls. God forbid anyone should speak to them about masturbation, sex being a beautiful thing (within marriage) that they should want to have, that their sexuality is good and given by God, that men are able to control themselves (boys and men need to be taught this too). Thank God there are many waking up to the pain that this causes in the hearts of women, the damage it causes to their ability to be intimate with their husbands whom they love. I know in my case I didn’t even begin to realize that this described me until I read Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman about 10 years into my marriage. I hope I am able to help other women and the men they love or will love by talking about these issues. Thank you so much for reading!
Shoulsn’t our perspective of our sexuality come from the Word of God and not of the world? If we are trying to be conformed to the ways of Jesus. I am only eighteen and am not married but I disagree with looking to the world for what sexuality should look like. I am in no way saying that Jesus doesn’t love people who read secular magazines or listen to secular music, but our sexuality is already so distorted why look to an imperfect example when you have a beautiful, whole, glorious, completely perfect one to gaze on.
Amanda,
I do agree with you that our perspective on sexuality should come from God. I would assert that God’s view on sexuality includes being informed by science and the other human beings that he created in his image. Provided we line up what we learn from outside sources with the law of love that governs us as followers of Jesus. While I do believe that God lays out a lot in the Bible about relationships, loving one another and mutual submission; However, there is limited information in the Scriptures on sexual technique (accepting a few passages in the Song of Solomon). It does also speak in some sections about the older women teaching the younger women but in my experience in churches this has rarely been about sexual techniques or positions or new things that my husband and I might not even know are options. Sadly, most people are afraid (or think it is wrong) to talk about sexuality with people outside their marriage (much less young women who are unmarried such as yourself). I was 18 when I married my husband, most of what I had been taught up until that day about sex was not to do it and not to think about it and most of all that I was responsible to say no because boys were unable to control themselves. I guess I was supposed to magically know what to do on our wedding night, what I liked, and to feel comfortable initiating sex instead of saying no. Trust me, such a switch doesn’t exist. For me it was a difficult transition to make even though my husband is the only man I have ever been with. I still struggled with feelings of guilt and shame associated with sex even though I didn’t understand why. Later I came to realize that so many years of being taught that it was bad to think about, talk about and read about for me could not be undone just by marrying the person I loved.
As far as the lines of sacred and secular go, I personally reject such distinctions. Everything is sacred. I embrace the thought that all truth is God’s truth whether on the pages of the Bible or the pages of Cosmo or the pages of a Sex Therapist’s notebook. I also believe that all beauty is God’s beauty and that the love I make with my husband is beautiful whether I am utilizing an idea gleaned from Solomon or “50 top sex tips of 2011.”
I hope this sheds some light on where I am coming from. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!