Would you take dating advice from this man?

lookadoo

The Richardson Independent School District in north Dallas apparently thinks you should. Yesterday the  RISD brought in “motivational speaker” Justin Lookadoo to talk to its high school students about dating and relationships. In their defense, Justin is scheduled to speak at schools all over the United States and Canada this year. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY APPALLING.

You see, Justing has some very outdated, sexist advice for our young people.

Mr. Lookadoo is unabashedly christian (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. As you know if you have been here very long, I am a follower of Jesus) however he leaves Biblical references out of his public school presentations. If you go on the Texas Speaker’s Bureau and look up Mr. Lookadoo you will find this description:

  • Top Texas Student Speaker
  • A high-energy, relevant message for the A.D.D. Generation

Justin Lookadoo is a top Texas school speaker. He was a Juvenile Probation Officer, and spent nearly six years as a Crime Prevention Specialist.  He knows students have it rough, and understands where they are coming from.  Justin is bilingual, offering programs in Spanish and English. Justin loves to talk. Go figure! He has been speaking to groups since 1989 and is excellent at what he does. To date, he has given over 3,000 speeches nationally and internationally. Just like Michael Jordan has the gift of being a great athlete, Justin has the gift of being a great speaker. And he works hard at it too! He is always researching and finding the edge that will make his programs current and relevant. Justin is a #1 bestselling author for his book Dateable and has had three other studient-oriented self-help books on the bestseller lists. Two of his books have been nominated for the prestigious Gold Medallion Award and he has sold over 275,000 books nationwide. Not bad for a kid whose two worst subjects were reading and writing.

Judging from this description, as an administrator I would think, what’s not to like? After all, he is to public speaking what Michael Jordan is to basketball. (*eye roll alert*) HOWEVER all one needs to do to find out this is a potential disaster is to search The Google and  look up his books on Amazon.com. Without even reading the reviews you will find out on Amazon that the back cover of “Datable” has these fun facts:

Girls, did you know?
– Guys will lie to you to get what they want
– If he’ll do it for you, he’ll do it to you
– If he doesn’t call it doesn’t mean he hates you
– A guy will treat you like you are dressed
– You might be talking too much
– He doesn’t want sex with you because he loves you, he wants it ‘cuz you’re a girl and you’re willing
– Guys love a mystery

Guys, did you know?
– If you’re too scared to ask her, then you’re not man enough to go out with her
– Girls will lie to themselves to get what they want
– Girls love it when you plan things
– You control how far you go
– Girls have their own kind of porn
– You can be a “real man” without becoming a “bad boy”
– Girls don’t understand you

On the Google you will learn that Lookadoo has a website (which was made available to the students) called rudatable.com (are you datable?). There you will see that there is a second book called “The Datable Rules” in which guys will learn to “live the adventure and to risk it all for God” and girls will learn “the importance of mystery and the power of subtle beauty”. Oh great, once again the boys get to have adventures and excitement. They get to write the script. And girls get to learn how to keep quiet and not draw too much attention to themselves. At this point I have to ask WHY? Why in the world would any public school have a man in to teach the students about dating and relationships whose book comes down to, men are the architects of their own lives and women are the furnishings. Please excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.

If you are so bold as to continue on at rudatable.com you will find that you are invited to take a quiz to see how datable you are. Apparently if you buy the book you can actually determine your datability rating on a scale of 1 to 5 stars! Justin himself has a 4 and a half star rating. If you make it through the silly true/false quiz and come out datable on the other side you will be encouraged to commit to “the list”. What list? I’m glad you asked. It is the same for both genders: 1. Be respectful at all times. 2. Treat your date like you want to be treated. 3. No means no.  Oh wait. Snap. Wrong list.

The girls list says: (my comments in parenthesis after)

As a Dateable girl I will:
1. Shut up and be mysterious (in other words STFU, no one cares what you have to say or if you want to say it, no one like a girl who talks to much…sorry this one hits a little close to home)
2. Not lie to myself (I learned the rest of this is “girls lie to themselves to get what they want”)
3. Keep it covered up (What is it? Where is the line? What if I don’t? See my many previous posts.)
4. Remember that I’m not one of the guys (What the hell? What is wrong with being “one of the guys”?)
5. Know that it will not last (What won’t last? This one just confuses me.)
Write your prayer below: (Dear God please help me stifle who I am to get a man. Goodness knows no one will like me for who I am or if I have too strong/too many opinions. Amen.)

The boys list says:

As a Dateable guy I will:
1. Stand up and be a real man (WTH does this mean? Who sets the definition? I am sure he will tell me in the book.)
2. Not lie to you or for you (Guys, he says, lie to you to get what they want. Also, girls apparently will want you to lie for them. Why? I’m not sure.)
3. Control how far we go (So it is up to the guy alone to determine how far things go physically? Hmm. Shouldn’t that really be a shared responsibility? Also see “no means no” above.)
4. Open doors and pull out chairs (Nice gesture.)
Write your prayer below: (Dear God, Please help me be a “real man” even though I am not sure what that means. Amen)

A few more nuggets of wisdom I learned with minimal research:

“Men of God are wild, not domesticated.  They don’t live by the rules of the opposite sex. “

“Datable girls know when to shut up.”

Datable guys know…”They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous and that’s okay.”

“Please, PLEASE don’t tease us. To show us your hot little body and then tell us we can’t touch it is being a tease.”

“Dateable girls know that guys need to be needed. A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent.”

Accept your girly-ness. You’re a girl. Be proud of all that means. You are soft, you are gentle, you are a woman. Don’t try to be a guy. Guys like you because you are different from them. So let your girly-ness soar.”

I think this whole line of thinking is damaging not just to girls but also to boys. I cannot for the life of me figure out why schools (and before you say, oh well Michelle, you live in Texas blah, blah, blah… This dude speaks all over the country. In public schools. At camps. At Juvenile detention facilities. ) would ever dream of inviting this guy in to speak. Don’t even get me started on what kind of message this sends to LGBT youth.

Sadly, it takes the students themselves to tell it like it is. Wednesday in Richardson #lookadouche was trending on twitter (today it is trending everywhere).  Here are a few tweets from the students of the RISD:

@jkredmon
A man gets to tell us what women can and can’t do. I don’t think so. Not at RHS. #lookadouche

@InGodsArmy
Either the best prank ever or the best attempt at reverse psychology to unite an entire student body. Regardless, fire ignited. #lookadouche

@emisccaffetti7
#lookadouche has many problems in the head.
@BmanToler23h
Don’t let some random guy who spoke at school with no ethos determine how you feel about yourself or objectify you. #rhs #lookadouche
@GreenEyedLilo
As a woman w/food allergies, I love that Justin Lookadoo thinks we should suffer in restaurants instead of telling our dates.
@irishfries13
still shocked at @JustinLookadoo ‘s presentation, gender stereotypes all around #lookadouche
@NateBeer
At this rate, our speaker on Friday will be Ritchie Incognito
@Megeramarie
I love that RISD has a no tolerance on bullying and they brought in a bully to motivate us.
These few tweets represent many many more which you can find for yourself on twitter at #lookadouche. These young men and women have renewed my hope that the tide against this kind of thinking is growing and that young people are beginning to recognize that this type of thinking helps no one and in fact hurts us all. Way to go Richardson Eagles. You guys rock. Way to stand up and speak out. #ROAR
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27 thoughts on “Would you take dating advice from this man?

      • I literally don’t know where some people get their ideas. I don’t think they can be definitely traced to the Bible in some places, and if not there, then where? “Men can show their chests, women can’t,” and so on.

        CBS actually had this memo — http://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/pluggedin/archive/2013/02/11/no-flesh-please-we-39-re-the-grammys.aspx — for their Grammy awards, and as I brought up in the comments, in the post that begins, “Why does CBS say that this applies only to females? Why is there a need to specify–and why does this section of the memo unduly target one sex over the other,” these standards just seem arbitrary at times.

      • As far as I’m concerned, “moral absolutes” that cannot be traced from God’s Word are legalism. We are told in Deuteronomy 4:2 neither to subtract from God’s commands through Moses, nor to add to them. If God’s Word does not say, “Women, you can show every bit of your chest except your nipples; that’s dirty,” for example, then I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to act as if that’s objectively the case.

  1. “A guy will treat you like you are dressed”

    I think it’s a better idea to treat a woman as she deserves regardless of how (or even if) she is dressed. She can always say no if she’s uncomfortable, correct? And if I’m not acting in her best interest, then I am at fault.

  2. melworks2013 says:

    I’ve heard him speak and I’ve read his work. I don’t agree with what you all are saying. Before blasting someone to pieces, I think it is only fair to thoroughly research (by hearing him speak and reading his books) before voicing an opinion. A lot of what he has on the covers and his website are there to get people’s attention, to start the dialog. And even after you’ve done all that, if you still don’t like what he is all about, at least he is doing something about trying to get Biblical content into public schools. He gets the kids’ attention and encouraging them to think about things and ask questions…

  3. melworks2013 says:

    I’ve heard him speak and I’ve read his work. I don’t agree with what you all are saying. Before blasting someone to pieces, I think it is only fair to thoroughly research (by hearing him speak and reading his books) before voicing an opinion. A lot of what he has on the covers and his website are there to get people’s attention, to start the dialog. And even after you’ve done all that, if you still don’t like what he is all about, at least he is doing something about trying to get Biblical content into public schools. He gets the kids’ attention and encouraging them to think about things and ask questions…

    If this posts twice…I apologize…had issues with logging in! :)

    • Samantha says:

      why do we need biblical content in public schools, i dont want my kids learning about the bible in schools, i want them to learn science and math, not God.

    • I agree that it is good to get people thinking and talking. But after looking through his stuff, I honestly don’t think that is his goal. As an educator and occasional public speaker myself, there are certain ways to get attention and to start dialog. He’s not really using any of them. Kind of weird for the “Michael Jordan” of public speaking. But that is the biggest clue right there. His focus is on his public speaking skills, not his ability to get others thinking or talking. There’s really a big difference there… and if he was trying to get people talking, the #lookadouche tag is evidence that he isn’t good at it.

      • Exactly Matt, I certainly do not need to hear Justin speak live (although I did watch several of his YouTube videos) or even read his books to make a judgement about whether or not he is a good choice to speak at a public school. I also agree with Sam that a public school is not the forum for Biblical content. After all, whose brand of Biblical should we teach? Catholic? Baptist? Mormon? Public school is not the place for teaching young people what is and isn’t Biblical.

  4. Tim says:

    I didn’t know your commentary was by a woman when I started. Not long into it I assumed it was….an after reading went back to the top and realized it was. Just curious if you read the whole book. You’re probably taking things out of context and seeing them through the lens of the experiences you’ve had.

    • You did read the title of this blog, right? Not sure where the confusion is, or why her gender matters. I’m also scratching my head over the “seeing them through the lens of the experiences you’ve had” comment. That is true for every single person that has ever lived. We ALL see things through our experiences – including you Tim. How are you so sure your not taking things out of context? You might as well say “the sky is blue, so your seeing this wrong.” An obvious fact like this does not really prove anyone wrong or right.

      But ultimately I think you are forgetting that this guy is a public speaker. When you speak publicly, you have to assume that most people haven’t read your stuff and therefore that speech is the only context you are going to be able to give. The reactions that WordofaWoman is covering here ARE in context because they are from the students that were there for the whole speech. If this guy left some context out that students would have to go to a book to get, then he is just a bad public speaker. WordofaWoman went to the guy’s website just to see if there was anything that contradicted what the people who were there were saying. There was nothing.

      After a while, if the people that were there are saying the same thing that other people online are saying and that matches up with what they guy has on his own website, it ceases to be a case of context or lenses – its gets to a place where many people are saying #lookadouche. When hundreds of people are saying the same thing… and they all have a different context and experience… there’s something there.

  5. Guest says:

    My (almost) ex-husband knows Justin and he’s had a severe porn addiction for years.

    There is a huge epidemic across this world about people preaching and speaking and they are far from living with the true peace that comes fr Christ. He is one speaker of many whose accountability structure is hugely flawed.

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